Onyinye Jacinta: 10 Anger Management Tips You Should Know!!!

Onyinye Jacinta: 10 Anger Management Tips You Should Know!!!: Do you find yourself fuming when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure go through the roof when your child refuses to ...

10 Anger Management Tips You Should Know!!!

Do you find yourself fuming when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure go through the roof when your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it’s important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships.

 

Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.

1. Take a timeout

Counting to 10 isn’t just for kids. Before reacting to a tense situation, take a few moments to breathe deeply and count to 10. Slowing down can help defuse your temper. If necessary, take a break from the person or situation until your frustration subsides a bit.

2. Once you’re calm, express your anger

As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

3. Get some exercise

Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you’re about to erupt. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other favorite physical activities. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that can leave you feeling happier and more relaxed than you were before you worked out.

4. Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’ll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

5. Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child’s messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won’t fix anything, and might only make it worse.

 

6. Stick with ‘I’ statements

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use “I” statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, “I’m upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes,” instead of, “You never do any housework.”

7. Don’t hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.

8. Use humor to release tension

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Don’t use sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

9. Practice relaxation skills

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, “Take it easy.” You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

10. Know when to seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you. You might explore local anger management classes or anger management counseling.

How to Get Your Mojo Back [+19 Ways to Conquer Fear]

Ready to get your mojo back and start making things happen again?

One of the biggest hurdles to global progress and solving social issues today is that great minds and entrepreneurial talent like yours is being held back and bottle necked by fear.

Some of you may be young fresh, aspiring entrepreneurs that haven’t tested the waters and stepped out to start a venture yet. Others, and from recent surveys, quite a few of those that will read this already have some great career, business and entrepreneurial successes under their belts, but were derailed during the recent crisis years and are having a hard time bouncing forward.

Whatever your story…it’s time to get your mojo back!

The world needs you, your community needs you, people you know need you, God wants you to live to the max and have a positive impact, and you need to do it for yourself too.

Succeed or appear to ‘fail’ (if there is such a thing), it doesn’t matter. There is nothing worse than a life not lived, and years wasted in rot and rust not trying to fulfill your purpose or daring to even stick out your big toe and try.

Whether you feel beaten down from a business loss, family stress, months of fruitless job hunting or something else – it’s time to get your mojo back – and you can!

It All Comes Down to this…

There are many reasons given for remaining in this atrophying and catatonic state. Some of them appear to be really rational.

Yet, there is nothing sadder to see than those that have given up on their dreams. It gets worse when seeing fully able bodied, intelligent, educated, and even moderately well off (if you ate this week, won’t freeze tonight, and have access to any type of water that’s you) individuals lurk in this coma phase for years.

“I don’t want to die tomorrow not having tried.

I might fail 1,000 times or not hit the high personal or business goals I set on time, every time, but if I’m moving I believe that I am doing God’s work and am accomplishing the mission. Even if I am not sure what that really means in the grand scheme of things”

When it all boils down to it; what holds us back from greater isn’t ability or resources; it’s fear.

There’s no other way to explain how such a grand army of elite, good willed, hyper-talented, bright and successful entrepreneurs is allowing themselves to be frozen in place, doubting themselves into burning time like they just scored Michael J. Fox’s DeLorean.

Admit it & Beat it

As with any vice conquering it starts with admitting it.

The same goes for fear. This isn’t a sign of weakness. Admitting it is a sign of strength and the first step in the right direction.

Coach Hitch McDermid who has conquered his own fears in some pretty amazing ways explains that this really isn’t our fault. It’s our basic instincts at work; trying to protect us. 

Just that our ‘fear brain’ doesn’t care if we live miserable, unfulfilled lives as long as we are still breathing. Who really wants to live that life, or die in that mode?

So whether it is fear of failure, fear of success, fear of change, fear of the unknown, of social interaction or embarrassment; own it and start to free yourself.

Yes, at this point most reading this are thinking “that’s easier said than done” – so here are some practical tips from Hitch, author Henri Juntilla, the Bible, and a few more proven methods…

19 Practical Ways to Start Conquering Fear Today:

1. Remember Philippians 4:13

Philippians 4:13 says “All things are possible through Christ who strengths me”. Many Christian entrepreneurs get side tracked and become fearful because they aren’t confident in their own abilities. Remember it isn’t about what you’ve got or not; it’s about what God can do through you – that’s limitless!

2. Recognize How Irrational it is

Some fears have very rational and logical arguments to back them up. Others are pretty irrational when thought through.

3. What’s the Worst Case Scenario?

Building on the above; be realistic about the worst case scenario. Can you live with it? Maybe it isn’t so bad? Maybe even that is better than staying paralyzed by fear. If you can’t handle it – how can you minimize the downside? Insurance? Education? Starting smaller?

4. Take Baby Steps

In Steven Furtick’s book Greater: Dream Bigger. Start Smaller. Ignite God’s Vision for Your Life.

he encourages sometimes starting smaller. Going all-in is exciting, but there is nothing wrong with pacing yourself as long as you are moving in the right direction.

5. Head-On

Of course for some head-on bracing forward and charging through is the most appealing strategy. Ironically; once you give it a shot that big ugly giant often snaps into as effortlessly as the tap at the end of a marathon.

6. Desensitization

In the theme of small steps is desensitization. This works for tackling a fear of public speaking, spiders, heights and virtually anything else.

7. Practice Gratefulness

Practicing just listing everything there is to be grateful for has incredible power. Looking at challenges as opportunities can completely change the game, and this can be an incredibly empowering daily ritual.

8. Learn

Perhaps the solution is just taking time to learn and educate yourself more about the situation. Get the real deal from experts or crowdsourcing sites and put it in proper proportion.

9. Pray

Prayer works. Pray about the situation, for divine intervention and do it on the hour. Even atheists have to acknowledge the power of prayer from a universal law of attraction perspective.

10. Affirmations

Believe in God or not, affirmations are another way to activate and enjoy the power of the law of attraction. Search out quotes or design your own mantras. For example; if it is a fear of public speaking being faced; try repeating “every day I am becoming a more powerful and effective communicator”.

11. Get a Coach

Getting a coach is not a sign of weakness; all the greats from Jesus to the apostles to your favorite business moguls have had coaches.

12. Read

Read more tips and advice on overcoming your particular challenge.

13. Join a Group

Consider joining a group of others with the same general goals. You’ll probably be pleasantly surprised at how many others are facing the same issues but just don’t talk about them. There is power in numbers.

14. Diet

With all the junk that gets into the food supply today and all the junk we are brainwashed to eat it is no wonder that our brains aren’t always operating at their best. Try switching up the diet or even fasting and see the impact it can have.

15. Exercise

Exercise is incredibly empowering. It will make you feel better, stronger, and more capable of tackling anything.

16. Get a New Box

Sometimes all that is needed is gaining a new perspective of the situation. This may just be achieved by changing the way you look at the problem, or what some call “thinking outside the box”. Others recommend “getting a new box”.

17. Model Success

Study the success stories of others and find easy to adopt, proven systems to eliminate risk and guarantee better odds of winning.

18. Just Breathe

Breathing exercises can be far more useful than most realize. The spiritually minded believe this even helps them breathe in more energy and better leverage their higher power.

19. Get Inspired

Get pumped up and inspired to a point where you must take action, and the pain of not leaping outweighs the pain of staying put.

You are Not Alone!

Pick your solution from the menu above, or a few. Also recognize that you are not alone. There are community groups at local churches, online communities like Hitch McDermid’s FearWalk crew where like-minded people come together and walk through their fear together, G-Code Magazine’s team and social networks are here to be leveraged, and God is always there, reaching out too.

Together we can breakthrough and banish those fears so that you can reach your full potential!

BY TIM HOUGHTEN

How To Make The World A Better Place

Once upon a time, a young man and woman met, gazed into each other’s eyes, kissed, and knew – for certain – that they were supposed to be together forever.  In the subsequent days, weeks, and months everything fell into place just as they had anticipated.  He was perfect in her eyes, and she was perfect in his.

Oh, it’s the majestic certainty of young love!  When two souls who barely know each other believe they know everything that they must know to live happily ever after in their own blissful bubble.  They think this because it’s what their emotional hearts and minds tell them is true.

But you know what happens next.  It’s what always happens next in phony fairy tales like this.  For one reason or another, logic trumps emotion, their bubble bursts, and the two lovers tumble back down to Earth, bruising themselves along the way and realizing that their perfect partner isn’t so perfect after all.

Maybe he learns that she doesn’t like rock music – and rock music is extremely important to him.  Maybe she learns that he never makes the bed – and making the bed is extremely important to her.  Regardless of the specifics, our lovers are finally beginning to see each other for who they really are – imperfect human beings.  This is the turning point at which ‘falling in love’ ends and the test of ‘true love’ begins.

Either their mindset adjusts and they accept reality – that true love isn’t so much about perfection as it is about growth and patience – or they move on to the next short-term fairy tale romance in hopes of finding that one perfect soul mate who does everything just right.

Why am I telling you this story?

Because the fluctuating feelings that steer our romantic relationships are quite similar to those that steer our motivation to make a meaningful impact on the world around us.  A little passion is all that’s required to start, but only sustained perseverance makes it worthwhile.

Sure, short powerful bursts of effort and seemingly giant leaps in a single bound appear to be remarkable.  But they fade as fast as they arrive, and all we’re left with in the end is an unfulfilled void.

An enduring dedication – fulfilling promises by marching forward with one foot in front of the other, even when the going gets tough – is what true love is all about.  And it’s this kind of love, and only this kind of love, that can make the world a better place.

The Female Boss is Your Friend: Act Ethically and Get Promoted

So you think you’re a hard working employee.  Maybe you exceed company expectations in almost every measurable category directly pertaining to your position.  You’ve put in a couple years of dedicated service, and in this time frame you’ve managed to befriend your boss.  Your boss happens to be female, and occasionally you informally socialize with her outside of the workplace. 

You’ve been respectful in the past and have established a solid rapport with her.  Does the existence of this informal relationship give you the right to stretch the rules of the work environment?  “She likes me.  She’ll let me get away with a little tardiness.  Won’t she?”  It’s this kind of attitude that quickly eats away at the relationship and dismantles all levels of the trust and respect you’ve constructed in the past.

I’m a young female professional, and yes, I am the boss.  I’m fair and compassionate, but I expect results.  I certainly expect my employees to follow the rules, but above all I expect honesty.  Because I choose to occasionally socialize with my employees in an informal setting, they sometimes feel that they can use this as a free pass to slack off at work.  When this occurs, I find myself in an uncomfortable situation. 

If I let them slide, my reputation as a fair manager is in jeopardy.  The image I portray and the example I set becomes tarnished.  Other employees see me favoring their peers over themselves and quickly become displeased.  My credibility is lost.  If I take the necessary disciplinary action, I personally feel horrible.  Punishing or firing someone that you’ve established an informal relationship with can be disheartening.

In the end it basically comes down to “me or them”.  Their unethical behavior will either negatively affect my professional reputation, or I must hold them accountable for their actions.  This is something many of my employees continuously overlook.  They don’t see the immediate affect their actions have on me.  They don’t understand that the compassion I show outside of the workplace is completely unrelated to my leniency at work.

Does my sex have something to do with their misinterpretation of reality?  I know females are typically seen as more empathetic than their male counterparts.  So do they think I’m a pushover? Who knows.  Some may say that one way to avoid the situation is to cease the habit of informal socialization.  But, that would be a sad situation.  I truly believe the fostering of an informal relationship can increase overall employee moral and ambition.  I know it can easily benefit both parties.  Employees just need to follow the basic rules.

Do you informally socialize with your boss?  If so, allow me to layout a concise summation of my experiences and expectations.  I’ll make this really short and sweet.  Here’s a quick reality check of what not to do, and how to harness this informal relationship and use it to your advantage:

Understand this…

There is a distinct separation between business and pleasure.  Believe me, your boss understands this fact.  Don’t cross the line by believing that a stronger informal relationship gives you the ability to break the rules of the workplace.  Also, bragging to your coworkers about the conversations you had with your boss can easily start negative rumors.  This will reflect poorly on your perceived honesty and dedication.

React like this…

Reinforce the informal relationship by proving yourself within the workplace.  Instead of slacking off, do the exact opposite.  Take pride in your work, and go the extra mile.  If your boss takes the time to get to know a little more about your personal life, she probably holds you in high regard.  Don’t screw it up by disrespecting her authority in a professional atmosphere.  Instead, use it to your advantage.  If your boss likes you, she will be willing to spend more time assisting you, training you, and ultimately promoting you.  The choice is yours.  You can lose your credibility, or you can place yourself on the fast track for promotion.  It should be a no-brainer. 

7 Reasons to Stop Proving Yourself to Everyone Else

You are GOOD enough, SMART enough, FINE enough, and STRONG enough.  You don’t need other people to validate you; you are already VALUABLE.

Sometimes we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone, but we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try.  The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections.  When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think others want us to be, we open ourselves up to real relationships, real happiness, and real success.

There is no need to put on a mask.  There is no need to pretend to be someone you’re not.  You have nothing to prove to anyone else, because…

1.  The people worth impressing just want you to be yourself.

In the long run, it’s better to be loathed for who you are than loved for who you are not.  In fact, the only relationships that work well in the long run are the ones that make you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself, and without preventing you from outgrowing the person you used to be.

Ignore the comparisons and expectations knocking at your door.  The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.  Prove yourself to yourself, not others.  The RIGHT people for you will love you for doing so, and they will appreciate all the things about you that the WRONG people are intimidated by.  Bottom line: Don’t change so people will like you; be patient, keep being your amazing self, and pretty soon the RIGHT people will love the REAL you.

2.  No one else really knows what’s best for YOU.

Don’t lose yourself in your search for acceptance by others.  Walk your path confidently and don’t expect anyone else to understand your journey, especially if they have not been exactly where you are going.  You have to take the steps that are right for you; no one else walks in your shoes.

Let others take you as you are, or not at all.  Speak your truth even if your voice shakes.  By being true to yourself, you put something breathtaking into the world that was not there before.  You are stunning when your passion and strength shines through as you follow your own path – when you aren’t distracted by the opinions of others.  You are powerful when you let your mistakes educate you, and your confidence builds from firsthand experiences – when you know you can fall down, pick yourself up, and move forward without asking for anyone else’s permission.  (Read Awaken the Giant Within.)

3.  YOU are the only person who can change YOUR life.

In every situation you have ever been in, positive or negative, the one common thread is you.  It is your responsibility, and yours alone, to recognize that regardless of what has happened up to this point in your life, you are capable of making choices to change your situation, or to change the way you think about it.  Don’t let the opinions of others interfere with this prevailing reality.

What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you.  What you’re capable of achieving depends entirely on what you choose to do with your time and energy.  So stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.  Just keep living your truth.  The only people that will fault you for doing so are those who want you to live a lie.

4.  Society’s materialistic measurement of worth is worthless.

When you find yourself trapped between what moves you and what society tells you is right for you, always travel the route that makes you feel alive – unless you want everyone to be happy, except you.  No matter where life takes you, big cities or small towns, you will inevitably come across others who think they know what’s best for you – people who think they’re better than you – people who think happiness, success and beauty mean the same things to everyone.

They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are.  But you know better than that – material things don’t matter.  Don’t chase the money.  Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive.  Go for the things of greater value – the things money can’t buy.  What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth.  If you’re lucky enough to have any of these things, never sell them.  Never sell yourself short.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” and “Simplicity” chapters of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

5.  Life isn’t a race; you have nothing to prove.

Everyone wants to get to the top of the mountain first and shout, “Look at me!  Look at me!”  But the truth is, all your happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing, not while you’re sitting at the top.  Enjoy the journey by paying attention to each step.  Don’t rush through your life and miss it.  Forget where everyone else is in relation to you.  This isn’t a race.  You get there a little at a time, not all at once.

Let go of the foolish need to prove yourself to everyone else, and you’ll free yourself to accomplish what matters most to you.  Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you don’t have to always be and do what everyone else is being and doing.

6.  The path to all great things passes through failure.

You are an ever-changing work in progress.  You don’t have to always be right, you just have to not be too worried about being wrong.  Screwing up is part of the process.  Looking like a fool sometimes is the only way forward.  If you try too hard to impress everyone else with your “perfection,” you will stunt your growth.  You will spend all your time looking a certain way, instead of living a certain way.

It’s impossible to live without failing sometimes, unless you live so cautiously that you aren’t really living at all – you’re merely existing.  If you’re too afraid of failing in front of others, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful in your own eyes.  You have to remember that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail or how messy your journey is, so long as you do not stop taking small steps forward.  In the end, those who don’t care that failure is inevitable are the ones that reach their dreams.  YOU can be one of them.  (Read The Last Lecture.)

7.  It’s impossible to please everyone anyway.

Some people will always tell you what you did wrong, and then hesitate to compliment you for what you did right.  Don’t be one of them, and don’t put up with them.

When you run into someone who discredits you, disrespects you and treats you poorly for no apparent reason at all, don’t consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval.  And be sure not to leave any space in your heart to hate them.  Simply walk away and let karma deal with the things they say and do, because any bit of time you spend on these people will be wasted, and any bit of hate and aggravation in your heart will only hurt you in the end.

Afterthoughts

You don’t need a standing ovation or a bestseller or a promotion or a million bucks.  You are enough right now.  You have nothing to prove.  Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself.  You will have less heartaches and disappointments the minute you stop seeking from others the validation only YOU can give yourself.

19 Signs You’re Doing Better than You Think

Even in uncertain times, it’s always important to keep things in perspective.

True wealth is the ability to fully experience life.

- Henry David Thoreau

1. You are alive.

2. You are able to see the sunrise and the sunset.

3. You are able to hear birds sing and waves crash.

4. You can walk outside and feel the breeze through your hair and the sun’s warmth on your skin.

5. You have tasted the sweetness of chocolate cake.

6. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.

7. You awoke this morning with a roof over your head.

8. You had a choice of what clothes to wear.

9. You haven’t feared for your life today.

10. You have overcome some considerable obstacles, and you have learned and survived.

11. You often worry about what you’re going to do with your life – your career, your family, the next step, etc. – which means you have ambition, passion, drive, and the freedom to make your own decisions.

12. You live in a country that protects your basic human rights and civil liberties.

13. You are reasonably strong and healthy – if you got sick today, you could recover.

14. You have a friend or relative who misses you and looks forward to your next visit.

15. You have someone with whom to reminisce about ‘the good old days.’

16. You have access to clean drinking water.

17. You have access to medical care.

18. You have access to the Internet.

19. You can read.

The truth is, you’re doing better than a lot of people in this world.  So remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.  (Read The Happiness Project.)