Sibling Rivalry

"She gets to go to the movies with her friends! How come I can't go?"

"You love him more than me!"

"I wish I were an only child!"

Parents have heard it all when more than one child resides under their roof. Although siblings can be the closest of friends, it's rare to find a child who gets along perfectly with all of his or her siblings.

Brothers and sisters fight -- it’s just the natural ebb and flow of family life. Different personalities and ages can play a role, but siblings also often see themselves as rivals, competing for an equal share of limited family resources (like the bathroom, telephone, or last piece of cake) and parental attention.

Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up, but it can drive parents crazy. The key to minimizing disputes at home? Know when to let your kids work out their problems themselves and when to step in and play referee.


The Root Cause of Conflict

Kids aren't always the most rational of human beings -- especially younger children. Sometimes, the smallest issue can turn into a major battle and strain a sibling relationship to the breaking point.

* Attention.
Children are always vying for their parents' attention. The busier the parents are, the greater demand is for their attention and the less they can focus on each child. When there is a new baby, it can be hard for the other child to accept losing his or her position as the center of attention. Sometimes, the parents' attention is focused on a child who is sick or has special needs (for example, because of a learning disability). Kids will act out and misbehave to get the attention they want if they feel like they’re being ignored.

* Sharing.
Most households don't have unlimited resources. That means all siblings will have to share at least some of their possessions. Giving up a toy or other favorite possession to a sibling can be especially hard on young children.

* Unique personalities.
Your oldest child might be headstrong while the youngest is quieter and more introverted. Differences in temperament can lead to clashes. Age and gender differences also can lead to sibling fighting.

* Fairness issues.
Children are like little lawyers, always demanding fairness and equality and fighting for what they perceive are their natural born rights. A younger sibling might complain that her older sister gets to go to a concert and she has to stay home, while the older sister whines that she has to baby-sit her little sister instead of going out with her friends. Feelings of unfair treatment and sibling jealousy can lead to resentment.

Finding a Good Family Balance

The screaming might be driving you nuts, but avoid getting in the middle of an argument unless a child is in danger of getting hurt. Try to let your kids resolve their own issues. Stepping in won't teach your kids how to handle conflict, and it could make it seem as though you're favoring one child over another -- especially if you're always punishing the same child.

Some disagreements are easier than others for kids to end on their own. Here are some tips for resolving the conflict when sibling fighting escalates to the point where you can no longer stay out of it:

1. Separate.
Take your kids out of the ring and let them cool down in their own corners -- their rooms. Sometimes, all kids need is a little space and time away from each other.

2. Teach negotiation and compromise.
Show your kids how to resolve disputes in a way that satisfies both siblings involved. First, ask them to stop yelling and start communicating. Give each child a chance to voice his or her side of the story. Listen, and don't be judgmental. Try to clarify the problem ("It sounds like you're really upset with David for taking your favorite video game"), and ask your kids to find a solution that works for everyone involved. If they can't come up with any ideas for resolving the issue, you introduce a solution. For instance, if the kids are fighting over a new game, propose that you write up a schedule that gives each child a set amount of time to play with the game.

3. Enforce rules.
Make sure all of your kids abide by the same rules, which should include no hitting, name-calling, or damaging each other's property. Let your kids have a say in how the rules are established and enforced. They may decide that the punishment for hitting is losing their TV privileges for one night. Letting your kids play a role in the decision-making process will make them feel like they have at least a little bit of control over their own lives. When your kids follow the rules, praise them for it.

4. Don't play favorites.
Even if one of your kids is constantly getting into trouble and the other is an angel, don't take sides or compare your kids (for example, "Why can't you be more like your sister?"). It will only make your kids resent each other more. Giving one child preferential treatment can also hurt the relationships between you and your children.

5. Don't make everything equal.
There is no such thing as perfect equality in a family. An older child will inevitably be allowed to do some things her younger siblings can't. Instead of trying to make your kids equals, treat each child as a unique and special individual.

6. Give kids the rights to their own possessions.
Sharing is important, but children shouldn't be forced to share everything. All of your children should have something special that is completely their own.

7. Hold family meetings.
Get together with the entire family once a week to hash out any issues. Give every family member a chance to air his or her grievances, and then come up with solutions together.

8. Give each child separate attention.
It can be hard to spend time alone with each child, especially when you have a large family. But one of the reasons siblings resent each other is that they feel they aren't getting enough of your attention. To let your kids know that you value every one of them, make one-on-one time for each child. Carve out special days when you take your daughter shopping or your son to the movies -- just the two of you. Even 10 to 15 minutes of your attention each day can make your child feel special.

 When Sibling Fighting Gets Out of Control

It's completely normal for siblings to fight from time to time. But when fighting escalates to the point that one child is becoming emotionally or physically victimized, it needs to stop. Repeated hitting, biting, or "torturing" behaviors (for example, incessant tickling, teasing, or belittling) are forms of sibling abuse and justification for you to step in. If you can't stop the violence yourself, talk to your child's pediatrician or a mental health provider to get immediate help.

What Does Your Birth Date Say About You?

Some people say your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing.
To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the Birth Date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit. A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight.

Example:
March 20, 1950
3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973
1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20
2 + 0 = 2

Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example.

#1 THE ORIGINATOR
#2 THE PEACEMAKER
#3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
#4 THE CONSERVATIVE
#5 THE NONCONFORMIST
#6 THE ROMANTIC
#7 THE INTELLECTUAL
#8 THE BIG SHOT
#9 THE PERFORMER

===============================================

# 1 – THE ORIGINATOR

1 ‘s are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things! their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1′s are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses! , as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn: Others’ ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.

Famous 1′s: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.

#2 – THE PEACEMAKER

2′s are the born diplomats. They are aware of others’ needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don’t like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they’d rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.

Famous 2′s: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

# 3 – THE LIFE OF THE PARTY

3′s are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don’t always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.

Famous 3′s: Alan Alder, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Karen Roundbutt, Salv! ador Dali, Jodi Foster

# 4 – THE CONSERVATIVE

4′s are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.

Famous 4′s: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey

# 5 – THE NONCONFORMIST

5′s are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land t! hem in hot water. They need diversity, and don’t like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.

Famous 5′s: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent VanGogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail.

# 6 – THE ROMANTIC

6′s are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help.They are very loyal and make great teachers! They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6′s should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.

Famous 6′s: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Merlyn Steep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn

#7 – THE INTELLECTUAL

7′s are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don’t sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don’t like to be questioned themselves. They’re never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what’s not in the world at large.

Famous 7′s: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana

# 8 – THE BIG SHOT

8′s are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own
needs rather than on what others want.

Famous 8′s: Edgar Cayce, Barbara Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus

#9 – THE PERFORMER
9′s are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.

Famous 9′s: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley

Remember after doing this don’t forget to indicate your birth number for us to know each other and dont forget to share it with your friends for them to know a bit of themselves

8 Phrases You Should Never Say at Work

Choose Your Words Carefully

Sometimes the little things we say can have a positive lasting impression. Maybe your boss shared bad news about a project, and you thought of the perfect response to soften the blow. Or you won over a difficult client with just the right reply to his email. 

“I Can’t Do It”

Instead of telling your boss you can’t do something because you have too much on your plate (which may lead her to think she can’t depend on you), detail your to-dos and ask for her help in prioritizing them. For example, you might say that you would love to help with the client presentation, but you are currently working on the team status report. Which should you complete first?

This strategy also works for the related no-no phrase, “I don’t have time.” You should also try to avoid saying that you can’t do something because of a lack of knowledge or experience. Instead, approach a trusted co-worker and ask for a short demonstration, showing that you are eager to learn and complete the task on your own with a little bit of guidance.

“That Won’t Work”

Blurting out these words in the context of a brainstorming meeting with your colleagues shuts down all productive conversation and can make you look like the one with a bad attitude. Even if you really believe something is not possible or is a genuinely bad idea, focus on being constructive with your response rather than negative. You could phrase your input like this, for example: “That’s one approach, though here are some of the challenges we might face.”

Remember to be enthusiastic about the mission of your group and your organization, and make alternative suggestions that show you are ready and willing to contribute in a positive and meaningful way. Also, be careful of your body language. Eye rolling, sighing and sneering, for instance, communicate “that won’t work” just as loudly as words do.

 

“But So-and-so Got...”

If you grew up with older siblings, you probably recall going to your parents with something along these lines: “Why can’t I have a car? My sister got a car when she turned 16!” In the workplace, you may find out that a colleague got something special — whether it’s a bonus, a project you wanted, or a more flexible schedule. Whining about it won’t get you very far here either.

It’s impossible to know the details of everyone else’s situations, so always speak in terms of your own experiences and needs. Be specific about what you need and why you should get it, without mentioning other people (and without using phrases like “It’s not fair!”). And try to identify potential solutions to your gripes before you approach your boss, so that it sounds like you’re problem-solving not complaining.

"Guess What I Heard?”

Dishing the dirt at work is fun and nearly irresistible, especially if you’re bored or feeling unchallenged. Listen all you want, but refrain from contributing to conversations that could compromise someone’s reputation. Damaging stories spread like a conflagration and being nailed as the source can be a career killer. And even if the gossip seems harmless, you don’t want to develop a reputation as someone who can’t stop chattering away about other people or fueling rumors that later turn out to be false.

“It’s Not My Fault”

You already know this phrase doesn’t belong in the workplace, but when you’re accused of making a mistake, it’s easy to get defensive. After all, you don’t want to damage your career prospects, especially if you had little or nothing to do with the error in question. I made this mistake early in my career and didn’t do myself any favors. I’ll never forget my boss saying, “Let’s not waste time tattletaling. You need to fix this.” It was then that I recognized that taking responsibility is one of the elements that sets apart successful employees from unsuccessful ones.

Instead of looking to place blame, be solution-oriented. Help your boss figure out what the team can do to remedy the situation so that it doesn’t escalate further. And if you had any culpability whatsoever, show that you’ve learned from the experience and will approach things differently next time.

“At My Last Job”

Nothing turns people off like a newbie who waltzes in and says, “Well, at my old company, we did it like this.” The second this comes out of your mouth, people will think that if things were so swell at your old company, maybe you should go back. This is the last thing you want. For the sake of your reputation, use your first projects as an opportunity to observe how things are done at your new company. You’ll have your time in the sun soon enough.

7 'Soft' Skills You Need for Career Success

Want the secret to career success? Hint: It’s not just the mastery of a specific software program, excellent writing or organizational skills, or anything else that might show up on the list of must-haves on a typical job description. Rather, how well you succeed in your job, and in your career, often comes down to the marriage of those hard skills and so-called soft skills. 

Regardless of your industry, position or whether you’re content at your current job or looking for another, honing the soft skills will positively influence the way you interact with others, get along with your manager, approach conflict — and, ultimately, influence whether your career thrives or withers. 

Despite their importance, companies often struggle to articulate these skills, frequently don't screen job candidates for them and regularly neglect to coach employees on them until their absence has already caused serious problems. What are they? Here are seven soft skills that are essential for career success.

1. Emotional Intelligence

You might be the best in the world at what you do, but if you alienate coworkers and rub your managers the wrong way, no one is going to want to work with you. That’s where your emotional intelligence quotient, or EQ, comes in.

 

Understanding what makes your colleagues tick, how to build rapport and connect emotionally with them and how to manage your own and other people’s emotional makeup will pay off enormously at work: You’ll find yourself easily able to get along with people at all levels of your organization, equipped to choose the right battles (and the times to fight them!) and be prepared to finesse sticky situations.

 

Imagine a manager who delivers tough criticism on the day an employee receives scary health news or who presents a sensitive performance message as a “joke” in front of others. By contrast, a high-EQ manager is likely to be thoughtful about the right time to deliver difficult feedback — and to frame it deftly and sensitively when she does. And it’s not just managers who benefit from EQ; no matter how senior or junior you are, EQ can help you spot the right way to raise difficult issues, approach a prickly colleague and manage tough clients.

2. Ownership

Taking ownership of your work is a simple thing, but some people go through their whole careers without ever quite doing it. So what does it really mean, anyway?

 

I once asked an incredible assistant who ran a complicated office flawlessly what her secret was. Her answer? She thought of herself as the “CEO of logistics,” which led her to anticipate people’s needs and handle details without anyone needing to point them out to her. That’s what ownership is; you might not be the CEO of the company, but you’re the CEO of something — communications, invoicing or whatever you’re responsible for.

Taking ownership of your work means assuming responsibility for helping the organization as a whole succeed: being invested in the outcomes of your work, spotting and implementing ways to do things better and holding yourself accountable when things in your realm go wrong. In other words, you’re not just executing a series of activities assigned by someone else; you’re obsessing over the details and truly bearing the emotional weight of ensuring that your work is successful.

3. Staying Calm

Calmness is one of those traits that doesn’t always get appreciated until it’s absent. But if you make a point of staying calm, rational and objective, even when you're frustrated or angry, you’ll stand out for it. Plus, it only takes one instance of snapping at someone or slamming a door to get a reputation as The Angry One, and that’s a label that’s hard to shake. 

Calmness also tends to go hand-in-hand with low drama; people who are calm tend not to indulge in unconstructive interpersonal conflict and generally operate with cooperation and good will toward their colleagues. As a manager, I’ve always been grateful for the people on my team who I knew would navigate potentially contentious situations maturely.

4. Openness to Feedback

If you’ve ever worked with someone who got defensive at the slightest suggestion that she do something differently, you know how crucial being open to feedback is. And unless you don’t want to develop professionally and are comfortable stagnating exactly where you are today for the rest of your career, you’re going to need to grow and improve. Feedback plays a crucial role in helping you spot opportunities for that. But if you bristle and get defensive at suggestions of what you can do better, over time most people will stop giving you feedback at all.

Openness to feedback becomes even more important when you’re a manager. To manage well, you need to be almost obsessive about learning from experience, incorporating lessons into practice and adapting your approach to make it as effective as possible — which means being eager to identify ways you could perform better and genuinely wanting to hear dissent.

5. Polite Assertiveness

While too much assertiveness can become domineering, polite assertiveness is simply about addressing problems calmly and forthrightly and not shying away from difficult or awkward conversations. It means speaking up when something isn’t going right, not being afraid to bring new ideas to the table and not stewing in silence when you’re bothered by something.

 

Bad things happen when employees lack this quality. For example, I once worked with someone who was furious that his manager changed his schedule without talking to him first. When I asked if he had approached her about it, he said he hadn’t — and yet he was letting his resentment build to the point that it was affecting his work. Once he talked to her, it turned out the schedule change had been a simple mistake, which she easily corrected when he explained the problems it would cause him. But if he hadn’t finally spoken up, she wouldn’t have known and his anger would have festered. That would have been bad for him, and bad for his manager, too. 

6. Decency

It’s no surprise that decency is on the list, since we all want to work with colleagues who handle disagreements civilly, give others the benefit of the doubt, respect opinions that differ from their own and act with genuine care for other people. Organizations with great cultures put a premium on hiring for these characteristics and ensuring that employees model them.

 

And the higher up you go, the more decency stands out as a differentiator of great leaders in additional ways — from understanding that people have lives and families outside of work and that those will sometimes take priority to treating people with compassion and dignity during tough feedback conversations.

7. Integrity

Integrity at work means speaking up if you make a mistake that reflects poorly on you (rather than trying to soften or hide it), doing what you say you’re going to do, acknowledging when new information shows you were wrong and not being afraid to say “I don’t know.”

 

Building a reputation for integrity pays off in spades. When people know that your priority is to be honest and objective, not to protect yourself or try to make yourself look good, you’ll find that your opinion will be taken more seriously, you'll get the benefit of the doubt in he-said/she-said situations and, often, potentially contentious situations will go more smoothly. And if you’re a manager, when your team knows you’re a fair judge, they’re more likely to buy into your decisions, even when it doesn’t go their way.

Ignore the Advice of These 3 People

Everyone has one and wishes they didn’t: the unwanted advice-giver who loves to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong and offer his unsolicited opinion. Whether he’s a successful CEO or your brother-in-law, he seems to pop up just when you’re feeling unsure of yourself.

Unfortunately, in business, the leaders who really need good advice are the most vulnerable to bad advice. Entrepreneurs usually don’t have high-quality boards, rarely have a wealth of industry expertise and may be entering new markets with no precedent to draw on. While a little helpful advice can go a long way, bad advice is worse than no advice at all.

Here are the people to watch out for and avoid taking advice from:

The know-it-alls: Know-it-alls are overconfident because they’ve seen situations play out as expected in their industry and assume their advice can work for any industry. These people may sound smart and have tons of experience, but you should avoid letting their opinion drown out common sense. When their experience comes from scenarios that aren’t applicable to your situation, their advice isn’t relevant.

The overly cautious: In countless industries, advisors have counseled successful firms to take few chances and focus on incremental innovation. In all these industries, those who played it safe suffered from continued erosion of their profit pools until they either wentbankrupt or were acquired. Playing it safe is a fantastic strategy for maintaining the status quo in the short term, but you’ll lose in the long run to those who are willing to take calculated risks.

Those with vested interests: If you have to stop and think about whether someone has a conflict of interest, he does -- and his advice is tainted. Maybe he’s thinking of entering your market or stands to benefit if your competitor does well. He could even want to see your enterprise fail so he can hire you himself. His reason doesn’t really matter. If someone may have a conflict of interest, don’t take his advice.

So how do you get good advice when you need it most? Here are a few tips:

Ask highly specific questions. General advice is not your friend. When asking for advice, follow this format: This is the situation. Here is the decision point. What is your recommendation?

Find the right person. The right expert to ask is knowledgeable about your question, has no conflict of interest and is willing to speak to you in depth.

Give the right person a stake in your success. When you find the best advisor, bring him on as an official advisor. If he makes a concrete commitment to the board, give him an equity interest in making the right decisions.

Ask multiple advisors exploratory questions. Ask as many people as you can find for their view on a true “jump ball” strategic question. When you get differing answers, ask why the other’s answer is wrong. Ask how their own opinions could be wrong. Beware of people who say their answer is absolutely correct when the question truly doesn’t have a good answer. They are either naive or insecure.

Finally, don’t forget about the tools you already have. Launching a business can be daunting, and sometimes, very bright people who could do fine applying common sense will ask the wrong people for advice simply because they believe they need it. Trust your own judgment, and treat every piece of advice with a healthy amount of skepticism.

Find the Right Balance Between Love and Money

Do your finances cause tension in your relationship? In other words, are you human?

Many relationships face intense stress and anxiety over money issues. Perhaps your current relationship is feeling the impact of this connection now. How would you rate your relationship on a 1-10 love and money scale, where one is how loving and passionate your connection is and ten is the degree to which you have mastered your money concerns?

For instance: a 10/10 would be the best of everything; you're in intimate love and ecstatic passion with one another and you feel absolute financial certainty and freedom (where you don't ever have to work, unless you want to, and you never have to worry about your bills being paid, since the returns from your secure and growing investments easily cover any expenses you could have).

This article is for the rest of us. 

Relationships are almost everything in life. Money represents life force and investment of time and energy. In many ways, we trade our life energy for money. So, we need to respect what goes into making, protecting and enjoying money. What it can do for others and us in the way of convenience, creativity and contribution is truly expansive. So, what if I told you there are ways to improve in both love and money simultaneously?

What makes us happy? Pleasure, right? (At least over the short-term) Progress is what really makes us feel happy over the long term. In the love and money game of life, we have both practical and emotionally driven needs that must be met at high levels in order for us to feel like we are joyfully winning in a satisfying way. So, we shall look at both.

To achieve progress in finances and relationships, you must honestly know where you are, get clear about where you want to be and close the gap between the two step-by-step. The gap gets reduced by removing what's in the way, designing a workable plan and taking proven action to hit your target.

Let's take a look at what could be obstructing your passion and pocketbook, how to remove it and how to use proven strategies that can realign your relationship with satisfying love and financial progress.

Each of us has different vehicles through which we meet our need for certainty. One may feel comfort from having a savings or retirement account, another may need to feel safe by having a particular level of income or type of job stability. Knowing what you and your partner need to feel comfortable is vital, because when you don't feel certain enough, fear can dominate you and your passion will go out the window. 

Fear can bring difficulty to your communication, create disconnection and threaten the very stability of your relationship. You may think, "This jerk doesn't know how to communicate," when in fact, it may just be that he's afraid. Understanding this can empower you to respond from compassion instead of reacting un-resourcefully. Then, together you will be in a better position to receive ideas, change perceptions and take necessary or inspired action. As you do, watch how obstructing fears subside, passion increases and creative ideas to improve your finances get enacted.

Each of us also has a need for loving connection, yet one partner could need this even more than their partner needs certainty. "We could be broke, but if I know we still love each other, I'll be fine." Sounds good on paper, but if the partner who has a dominant need for certainty feels out of control economically and thus withdraws affections, the relationship could become stressed to a breaking point over time. 

One key to navigating such a love/money challenge is to seek to unselfishly give your partner what they most need, and to do it in a way that resonates with them. For example, provide the certainty they need by telling your mate you will always be there for them and that you believe they have what it takes to work through their financial trials.

In another other case, you might offer love and connection to your significant other by getting out of your self-concern and giving them words of kindness, physical affection, thoughtful care and supportive actions. While this may not seem like it has much to do with money, consider the fact that studies have shown that sharing a passionate kiss with one's honey before leaving for work has a considerable positive impact on the annual income of that household.

Having first sought to understand and meet your partner's needs, it is also important to openly communicate what you need most, and it may be appropriate to ask for the help from both your partner and others. Partners that work together well can overcome huge things financially. In fact, abundance is ever-present.

You just need to access it through positive expectation, willingness to bring unexpected and enthusiastic value to others (in ways that make them want more) and massive action using feedback along the way.

Do Optimists or Pessimists Manage Their Money Better?

Is Your Bank Account Half Empty or Half Full?

When it comes to our ability to make healthy and sound financial choices, mindset matters. If you’re an optimist, you’re likely someone who focuses on growth and advancement. You anticipate the best possible outcomes and — according to some experts — that’s how most of us approach life. “Generally, human beings have optimistic biases,” says Tim Pychyl, associate professor of psychology at Carleton University and author of “Solving the Procrastination Puzzle.” “We wear rose colored glasses a lot of the time.”

Pessimists, on the other hand, concentrate on safety and security and tend to expect the worst possible outcomes. While they may consider themselves pragmatic, the outside world gives pessimists a bad wrap for being too negative and no fun. A Debbie-Downer, if you will.

So which outlook fares best when making big decisions like whether to buy a home, invest or budget? Well, in the end, neither disposition is solely rational or ideal. In fact, a new study by Sophia Chou, an organizational psychology researcher at National Taiwan University, finds that for the best (and happiest) results, you want to embrace a hybrid approach and be a “realistic optimist,” someone who maintains a positive outlook, but also pays close attention to potential downsides.

Let’s put this theory to the test and explore six big money decisions from both sides to see how reaching a happy medium can lead to financial success.

1. Should I Buy a Home?

The Optimist’s Take: Optimists believe in The American Dream, in which home ownership is equated with success — a rite of passage into a world of security, stability and wealth creation. You don't have to worry about rising rent or your landlord kicking you out. But too much optimism about owning real estate, especially its market value, can come back to haunt you. “People have in their mind that prices are [always] going up,” says Victor Ricciardi, finance professor at Goucher College and co-editor of the new book “Investor Behavior: The Psychology of Financial Planning and Investing.” “They just don’t see the end coming.”

The Pessimist’s Take: Pessimists do see the end coming. They zero in on the downsides and risks of owning real estate. And there are plenty: the cost of maintenance and property taxes, losing equity in a down market or falling into foreclosure. And with the most recent housing debacle further framing their reference, it’s safe to say pessimists are far from changing their minds. Can you blame them? “I still believe in real estate, but I completely get the pessimistic take,” says Lauren Lyons Cole, a certified financial planner and contributor to TheStreet.com.

The Happy Medium: When you’re an optimist, you like to keep your eye on the prize, and that fortitude can come in handy, as qualifying for a mortgage takes a lot of financial focus and stamina. But while optimism can help you acquire the means to afford a home, remember the old adage: Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. It’s something a pessimist might say — and for valid reasons. Pursuing a home just because you think it promises more security or is emblematic of The American Dream is not enough to justify what will probably be the biggest purchase in your entire life. How much will you have left in savings? Will it be enough to pay the mortgage and other necessities for at least six months if you lose your job? What if you decide in a year you want to move to a new state? Are you prepared to sell the house at a loss? What if your property taxes jump by 20 percent next year? The answers to these seemingly pessimistic — though not unrealistic — questions will help you make a more logical decision and better manage potential risks should you decide to buy.

2. Should I Make a Budget?

The Optimist’s Take: Optimists view budgeting as a sure-fire way to tune up your finances. It can lead to a number of positive results like getting out of debt, saving enough for a new place or building a nice nest egg. “It will be my ticket to financial security!” the optimist shouts.

The Pessimist’s Take: Budgeting never works! It’s not possible to stick to strict parameters for every spending category, they think. “The pessimists are probably the same people who have really, truly tried to budget and were not successful,” says Lyons Cole. 

The Happy Medium: To convince yourself that budgeting can work, you want to think like an optimist and focus on the benefits. But when it comes to sticking with your budget, you don’t want to be too optimistic in assuming it will be easy to follow. Pessimists are right to think that a budget takes effort. You may struggle for the first few months, but practice does make perfect.

Lyons Cole believes there are ways to set yourself up for budgeting success, even if you have a pessimistic outlook and don’t want to make the effort.  Her advice: Begin by carving out all the money you need for necessities like rent, taxes, insurance and other non-negotiables, and budget with only what’s left. “That makes it easier because you’re biting off less to chew,” she says. And focus on small wins, like the fact that you saved a little in a couple of categories. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to execute a perfect budget immediately.

3. Should I Invest?

The Optimist’s Take: Absolutely! What goes up, stays up, is the optimist’s general take on investing for the long run. These folks are not afraid of risk. “They are not going to see the end of a bull market. They’re going to take that optimism and apply it to another year,” says Ricciardi. Additionally, we can be overly optimistic when it comes to imagining our future selves in retirement. We don't think too much about the real needs we may have 30 years from now, which can negatively impact our ability to invest sufficiently for the future. “When we think of our ‘future self’ it’s … the same brain activity as when we think about a stranger,” says Pychyl. “It’s part of a coping mechanism to feel good now.”  

The Pessimist’s Take: Pure pessimists don’t entertain risk. There’s an assumption that money managers are not to be trusted and that your money is best kept under the mattress. As with real estate, present-day pessimists don't trust that investing in the market will pay off, especially  after watching the market crash during the Great Recession (even though it’s recovered since). “The general public is still anchored on that point,” says Ricciardi. “It’s still having a detrimental effect and keeping a percentage of people in a pessimistic mood.”

The Happy Medium: One ideal characteristic for investing is what Pychyl calls the “Defensive Pessimist,” someone who thinks she is going to fail or lose money but then turns that pessimism into fuel for pursuing the best possible outcome (as an optimist would). “If you’re a pessimist who’s motivated to avoid failure, that can be very successful,” says Pychyl. In other words, if you really think that there’s no way to make money in the markets over the long run, think about your other options to ensure that you, in fact, have a comfortable retirement. Sitting on your hands? Counting on the measly interest rate you’re earning in a standard savings account? You may begin to realize that the stock market has its advantages, which it clearly does. 

Additionally, if you’re overly optimistic about the market, Ricciardi suggests playing the devil’s advocate to create better results. “Have a part of your portfolio that is contrarian, and automatically rebalance yearly to ensure that when the market is going up, you control your optimism with a strategy that takes some money off the table and puts into a safer asset,” he says. Vice versa for pessimists. Have a small part of your overall portfolio in riskier investments that may do well when all else is falling. “Force yourself to create that happy medium between being an optimist and pessimist,” says Ricciardi. 

4. Is It Worth Asking for a Raise?

The Optimist’s Take: “Optimists would expect that if they asks for a raise, they would definitely get it,” says Lyons Cole. “They’d be less afraid, and that’s the type of optimism that can really make a huge difference in your financial life.”

The Pessimist’s Take: On the other hand, “Pessimists would think of all the reasons their boss would say no,” she says. Their outlook would prevent them from ever asking, and years later their salaries may lag behind their industry peers.

The Happy Medium: While optimism is certainly needed — and encouraged — to get you motivated to request more money, don’t let that optimism turn into negligence or an assumption that a raise is a guarantee. There’s still the chance that your boss will turn you down, and you should be prepared for that. Like a pessimist, think of all the reasons your manager may say no and come to the meeting ready and armed with highlights of your accomplishments and why you think you’re worth it.

5. Should I Switch Jobs?

The Optimist’s Take: It’s not unusual for an optimist to sit at her desk and daydream of a brighter, more exciting 9 to 5 at a different company or in a completely different career. In her mind, there’s only upside potential to quitting and working someplace else. The grass will be greener, she thinks, and frankly anyone would love to hire her. With that optimism comes, in theory, the confidence and motivation to make change happen.

The Pessimist’s Take: There are a lot of unknowns when switching jobs, and that would be a pessimist’s primary reason for staying put. Who knows if you’ll like your new co-workers? What if the new company gets bought out or dissolves? What if you end up not liking the position, after all? Plus, starting fresh at a new company is so much work.

The Happy Medium: Optimism can better lead you to getting hired. In fact a study produced by researchers at Yale School of Management and Duke University's Fuqua School of Business discovered that job seekers who took on an optimistic viewpoint were more likely to prevail in the competitive hiring market and score a new position quickly. But it’s important to temper that optimism with some pessimism and consider the cons of moving to a new company. While optimists might focus on favorable outcomes like a better title and higher pay, pessimists are right in considering the trade-offs, as well. For example, if the commute is twice as long, how might this new job impact your work-life balance? Or, let’s say at your current company you have a lot of seniority. As the new gal, might you lose some perks? Oh, and as it turns out, the health benefits aren’t as generous. How will this eat into your budget? Be optimistic, but consider any sacrifices to steer yourself towards a smarter decision. The grass might actually be greener where you stand.

6. Should I Start a Business?

The Optimist’s Take: There’s no better way to work than to be your own boss, thinks the optimist. Even if I have to cash out my 401(k) and deplete my savings account, it’s worth the risk because this business will succeed, she says. I won’t have any regrets because I’ll be following my dreams! What could be better? “But the downfall to focusing purely on the positive is that you lose sight of reality and fail to have realistic expectations and goals,” Lyons Cole explains. “You could end up in a position where you suddenly have no choice because of a lack of awareness.” And that last thing you want is to be stuck in a situation where you have no money to your name.

The Pessimist’s Take: As pessimists are generally risk-averse — and starting a business is one of the riskiest ventures in life — they’re not exactly excited by the idea. Rather than focus on the upsides of starting a business, pessimists worry about the upfront costs, the risks of quitting a day job and the likelihood of failure and having nowhere to turn.

The Happy Medium: The successful entrepreneur blends the best attributes of optimism and pessimism. She is passionate, determined and confident that the future will be brighter. At the same time, she is levelheaded and anticipates risks and plans accordingly because then you are less likely to be caught off guard or to be ill-prepared for headwinds that will most certainly arise. One common optimist pitfall, for example, is to assume that starting a business with a close confidante would be the ideal situation, but as Harvard Business School professor Noam Wasserman and author of “The Founder’s Dilemmas” told The New York Times, starting a business with friends or family “is the least stable. It’s the most likely to end up in disaster.”  Think critically about each step and have a Plan B ready if and when things don’t go in your favor. In the end, you want to do as Steve Jobs would do, says Wasserman.  “Follow your heart, but check it with your head.” 

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