Sibling Rivalry

"She gets to go to the movies with her friends! How come I can't go?"

"You love him more than me!"

"I wish I were an only child!"

Parents have heard it all when more than one child resides under their roof. Although siblings can be the closest of friends, it's rare to find a child who gets along perfectly with all of his or her siblings.

Brothers and sisters fight -- it’s just the natural ebb and flow of family life. Different personalities and ages can play a role, but siblings also often see themselves as rivals, competing for an equal share of limited family resources (like the bathroom, telephone, or last piece of cake) and parental attention.

Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up, but it can drive parents crazy. The key to minimizing disputes at home? Know when to let your kids work out their problems themselves and when to step in and play referee.


The Root Cause of Conflict

Kids aren't always the most rational of human beings -- especially younger children. Sometimes, the smallest issue can turn into a major battle and strain a sibling relationship to the breaking point.

* Attention.
Children are always vying for their parents' attention. The busier the parents are, the greater demand is for their attention and the less they can focus on each child. When there is a new baby, it can be hard for the other child to accept losing his or her position as the center of attention. Sometimes, the parents' attention is focused on a child who is sick or has special needs (for example, because of a learning disability). Kids will act out and misbehave to get the attention they want if they feel like they’re being ignored.

* Sharing.
Most households don't have unlimited resources. That means all siblings will have to share at least some of their possessions. Giving up a toy or other favorite possession to a sibling can be especially hard on young children.

* Unique personalities.
Your oldest child might be headstrong while the youngest is quieter and more introverted. Differences in temperament can lead to clashes. Age and gender differences also can lead to sibling fighting.

* Fairness issues.
Children are like little lawyers, always demanding fairness and equality and fighting for what they perceive are their natural born rights. A younger sibling might complain that her older sister gets to go to a concert and she has to stay home, while the older sister whines that she has to baby-sit her little sister instead of going out with her friends. Feelings of unfair treatment and sibling jealousy can lead to resentment.

Finding a Good Family Balance

The screaming might be driving you nuts, but avoid getting in the middle of an argument unless a child is in danger of getting hurt. Try to let your kids resolve their own issues. Stepping in won't teach your kids how to handle conflict, and it could make it seem as though you're favoring one child over another -- especially if you're always punishing the same child.

Some disagreements are easier than others for kids to end on their own. Here are some tips for resolving the conflict when sibling fighting escalates to the point where you can no longer stay out of it:

1. Separate.
Take your kids out of the ring and let them cool down in their own corners -- their rooms. Sometimes, all kids need is a little space and time away from each other.

2. Teach negotiation and compromise.
Show your kids how to resolve disputes in a way that satisfies both siblings involved. First, ask them to stop yelling and start communicating. Give each child a chance to voice his or her side of the story. Listen, and don't be judgmental. Try to clarify the problem ("It sounds like you're really upset with David for taking your favorite video game"), and ask your kids to find a solution that works for everyone involved. If they can't come up with any ideas for resolving the issue, you introduce a solution. For instance, if the kids are fighting over a new game, propose that you write up a schedule that gives each child a set amount of time to play with the game.

3. Enforce rules.
Make sure all of your kids abide by the same rules, which should include no hitting, name-calling, or damaging each other's property. Let your kids have a say in how the rules are established and enforced. They may decide that the punishment for hitting is losing their TV privileges for one night. Letting your kids play a role in the decision-making process will make them feel like they have at least a little bit of control over their own lives. When your kids follow the rules, praise them for it.

4. Don't play favorites.
Even if one of your kids is constantly getting into trouble and the other is an angel, don't take sides or compare your kids (for example, "Why can't you be more like your sister?"). It will only make your kids resent each other more. Giving one child preferential treatment can also hurt the relationships between you and your children.

5. Don't make everything equal.
There is no such thing as perfect equality in a family. An older child will inevitably be allowed to do some things her younger siblings can't. Instead of trying to make your kids equals, treat each child as a unique and special individual.

6. Give kids the rights to their own possessions.
Sharing is important, but children shouldn't be forced to share everything. All of your children should have something special that is completely their own.

7. Hold family meetings.
Get together with the entire family once a week to hash out any issues. Give every family member a chance to air his or her grievances, and then come up with solutions together.

8. Give each child separate attention.
It can be hard to spend time alone with each child, especially when you have a large family. But one of the reasons siblings resent each other is that they feel they aren't getting enough of your attention. To let your kids know that you value every one of them, make one-on-one time for each child. Carve out special days when you take your daughter shopping or your son to the movies -- just the two of you. Even 10 to 15 minutes of your attention each day can make your child feel special.

 When Sibling Fighting Gets Out of Control

It's completely normal for siblings to fight from time to time. But when fighting escalates to the point that one child is becoming emotionally or physically victimized, it needs to stop. Repeated hitting, biting, or "torturing" behaviors (for example, incessant tickling, teasing, or belittling) are forms of sibling abuse and justification for you to step in. If you can't stop the violence yourself, talk to your child's pediatrician or a mental health provider to get immediate help.

What Does Your Birth Date Say About You?

Some people say your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing.
To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the Birth Date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit. A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight.

Example:
March 20, 1950
3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973
1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20
2 + 0 = 2

Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example.

#1 THE ORIGINATOR
#2 THE PEACEMAKER
#3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
#4 THE CONSERVATIVE
#5 THE NONCONFORMIST
#6 THE ROMANTIC
#7 THE INTELLECTUAL
#8 THE BIG SHOT
#9 THE PERFORMER

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# 1 – THE ORIGINATOR

1 ‘s are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things! their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1′s are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses! , as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn: Others’ ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.

Famous 1′s: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.

#2 – THE PEACEMAKER

2′s are the born diplomats. They are aware of others’ needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don’t like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they’d rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.

Famous 2′s: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

# 3 – THE LIFE OF THE PARTY

3′s are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don’t always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.

Famous 3′s: Alan Alder, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Karen Roundbutt, Salv! ador Dali, Jodi Foster

# 4 – THE CONSERVATIVE

4′s are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.

Famous 4′s: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey

# 5 – THE NONCONFORMIST

5′s are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land t! hem in hot water. They need diversity, and don’t like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.

Famous 5′s: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent VanGogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail.

# 6 – THE ROMANTIC

6′s are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help.They are very loyal and make great teachers! They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6′s should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.

Famous 6′s: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Merlyn Steep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn

#7 – THE INTELLECTUAL

7′s are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don’t sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don’t like to be questioned themselves. They’re never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what’s not in the world at large.

Famous 7′s: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana

# 8 – THE BIG SHOT

8′s are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own
needs rather than on what others want.

Famous 8′s: Edgar Cayce, Barbara Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus

#9 – THE PERFORMER
9′s are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.

Famous 9′s: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley

Remember after doing this don’t forget to indicate your birth number for us to know each other and dont forget to share it with your friends for them to know a bit of themselves